Sidewalk Superheroes

Today was my last day of work until after Christmas. I was actually planning on working Christmas Eve morning (confusing?), then heading straight over to my dad’s side of the family for our usual all night thing, but it’s going to rain all day, so neh. I’m really glad I made the cookies yesterday, then, ’cause otherwise no one would have had them before the holidays.

If you’ve been jonesing for some strangeness and felt the last couple entries have been lacking, let me welcome you back into the fold:

You’re welcome. 😉 Anyway, today was a good day. It was busy, the people out were cheerful and nice, and all of the characters were in a good mood. It was a happy day, and it felt like Christmas. I haven’t really had a chance to relish Christmas and really get in the thick of it for four years, so today was nearly like Heaven. If Heaven had a baby with the Twilight Zone.

I came up in street clothes first to see who was around, and found Vader and Storm Trooper right away. I was glad, ’cause I’d come as Padmé. I told them that I’d brought cookies, and they were excited, and told me to change and come out. So I did, and business was good. I didn’t stay for very long because I had things to do in the evening, but we were doing at least $10 an hour. They did a bit more because not everyone wants a chick in their photos, even one with a big gun, but it’s cool because they’ve been around way longer and, honestly, have better costumes. I’m just grateful they let me work with them.

Bat A shows up in street clothes before too long, and stops to say hi. He’s in a really good mood, fist bumps the guys and gives me my hug and kiss on the top of the head. He asks if Bat M and Bat T are out, and they both are, so he opts to be Robin with Bat T (and, thankfully, to keep Bat M from complaining). A plainclothes Sexy Cop appears from behind and tells him goodbye. They hug and air kiss and she starts to leave, and Bat A’s asking me if I want him to be Anakin with me. Sexy Cop calls out to Bat A, and when he turns to look, she waggles his finger at him as if he’s a naughty boy. So she still doesn’t want him talking to me. She watches as he shrugs and turns back to the conversation, and then she disappears. He’s really intent on being Anakin now, and while today wasn’t a good day, all next week is great. Maybe we’d do really well together, and it’d be nice to work with him when he’s not in sulky Batmode. Though he might be in sulky Anakin mode. Hmm.

He goes off to change and we keep working, gossiping and chatting away at the same time. Bats M&T work together next to us for a little bit, as does Denim Jack (who stops to say that Wonder Wig is an awful kitty and was a complete user, and has been AWOL for two days. We both hope she’s given up). The beggar SuperGirl, who I believe I called Super Braces earlier, and her crap Batgirl friend Bat Beggar show up in new costumes, sleazy red Christmas outfits. Bat M stares at them openly, mouth agape, and we have a good laugh at his expense. The girls still have their street clothes slung over their backs in nylon sacks, of course, but like total craphounds, they see a large crowd around the Star Wars set and set to poaching our business. Storm Trooper is in no mood for that, and moves over there. He politely tells off Super Braces and forces her and her friend to move to another patch of sidewalk, since there’s still plenty (they’d taken to stealing business on the private side of the walk, which could land them a $1200 ticket if the mall cops catch them). Super Braces tries her hand at some witty retort, but since English is her third language and she’s not terribly bright, they just sulk off to hate from a distance and steal someone else’s business. I know Bat Beggar doesn’t like me because I’m a “rival” Batgirl, but that would be like Homeless Superman hating real Superman. If you’re not going to try and have to steal someone else’s business to make money, then the problem’s you, not the other person. Anyway, we end up having to deal with them, Miss Unidentifiable and Yoda throughout the day because we have a good steady crowd and they only poach.

The cops are on a tight watch of that block as well, so everyone is watching their backs. Not that the decent characters really have anything to worry about, but one bad character makes us all look bad. Some lame new clowns try to set up tables and stands to shill crap and are instantly taken down, so everyone’s on a short leash. Naked Guy, pictured above, appears on our right with his little stand and fake cobra, and Vader is alternately annoyed and amused. He’s been around the guy plenty of times and also knows that Naked Guy’s been in trouble with the cops before. We’re not allowed to set anything down on the sidewalk, so no tables, chairs, milk crates, anything besides our feet. Naked Guy insists on standing on this funny little painted table and doing Tai Chi poses, which is what got him in trouble last time. Well, that, and the fact that people were complaining about his lack of clothes. He had just set out his things and was taking off his shoes when we notice that the squad car was still parked behind him. The cops weren’t around, but Vader predicted that as soon as Naked Guy was on the table, he’d be dragged off and maybe cuffed. Luckily for him, the Rich Homeless Guy (I don’t know him) was cuffed and put in the back of the car, but the woman cop made heavy eye contact with Naked Guy. She’d be back for him.

As soon as they left, his clothes were off and he was on that damn table. At one point Bat T and Bat A (as Robin) were giving Naked Guy grief about the contents of his backpack, and he pulls out a cup of something wrapped in two plastic Ziploc baggies.
“Is that urine?” Bat A asked dubiously. We all “Ew!”ed and laughed.
“Yeah, man, I gotta give a sample,” Naked Guy said seriously, proudly holding the bag high. I tore my cell phone out of my right boot, where I always keep it, but by the time I got it to camera mode, the bag of urine was gone. Damn.

We moved down the pavement later on because it was getting too crowded in front of the Kodak, and now I forget where I was going with this. I’m tired. Old Marilyn, the one I call Jerri Blank, was apparently doing some sort of project with Vader and kept asking when he would go on break so she could film him. Vader didn’t know, because they didn’t take a break until business dropped off, which it hadn’t yet. She disappeared for a long while, and resurfaced at about 2:30 wearing a dress suit, heels, and a yellow poncho. Um. She just stood around next to Vader, patiently waiting for him to go on break. She asked me to be in her film project, and I told her, honestly, that I was just getting ready to go. She was disappointed and I asked if she was shooting any other day, and while I was honestly trying to listen to her, Vader kept making the cuckoo sign and other ridiculous things behind her. I think I missed about half her conversation because of him. At three it was time for me to pass out cookies and leave, so I went down to the garage, changed (pulled pants and a hoodie on over my costume), and came back up with loads of cookies. Vader and Storm Trooper got first pick, because they’re the best, and they were really happy. Bat A about melted on the spot when he heard he was going to get homemade cookies, and even Bat T was excited. Well geez, if I’d have known it would have been that easy to own them, I would have shown up on the first day with cookies! They started eating their cookies on the spot, and Bat A gave me his phone number. Nice.

I made up a bag for Denim Jack, but he seemed to have disappeared. Noooo! Thankfully, Jerri Blank saved the day. She came up and asked if I’d changed my mind about leaving, and I said that I’d just come back out to give out goodies and say my goodbyes until after the holiday. Thinking fast, I gave her Denim Jack’s bag of cookies, and she was bowled over. She asked if I could afford some time to film right then, and since cookie passing was taking less time than I thought, I said okay. She was very happy.

We walked around the block, up Orange, and found a wall and knoll that suited her purposes. I don’t want to say too much because I don’t want to ruin her project, and also because I don’t know a whole lot about it, but she said it was some sort of contest she was doing on YouTube and it was re-enacting one of the few Marilyn Monroe movies I’d actually seen. All I’d have to do was stand with the poncho on, step backwards like I was posing to have my picture taken, pretend to see something, and come running towards the camera. We filmed two takes and she loved my expressions (thank you, stage work!), and I wrote down my name and email so she could send me the video and a link to the YouTube thing when it went live. I’m curious to see how it all turns out.

We walked back to H&H, and Denim Jack was back, so I said goodbye and Merry Christmas to her, got another hug, and quickly made up another bag of goodies for Jack.
“I don’t have anywhere to put it, love,” he said.
“I was hoping you’d have secret compartments,” I said. How could he not take my delicious cookies?
“I dunno,” he said, searching his person.
“You could eat them all,” I suggested, though it was ridiculous. There was a lot of cookies in that bag.
“Can’t. Have to take off me gold teeth,” he said, tapping one with his tongue. I like that he stays in character even when talking about mundane things like grabbing a cup of coffee or going to the bathroom. It’s just so entertaining when he does it.
“Well damn,” I said, getting frustrated. He found a secret pocket for it, and I said my goodbyes and Merry Christmases and left him to his work. I gave a small bag of goods to Edward Scissorhands, since he’s a nice enough guy and was standing right there anyway, and he told me some crazy story about how he and his wife had gotten in a fight and he’d disappeared for a week to teach her a lesson. He’d still been on the boulevard working every day, but she didn’t know where he was and he didn’t answer the phone for her. That’s one way to do things.

Then I left and had a great night and wrapped presents, and now here I am writing about it all. I’m sure I’ll remember more craziness later, but for now here’s an odd picture and a piece of gossip I only know half of:

There’s this special guy that comes by once in a while and does harmless crazy stuff, and today he dropped by to give all of the characters back massages. Storm Trooper had to tell him to take it easy on me because he was really rough. I’m guessing he doesn’t work on ladies too often. I snapped a picture of him working with yet another new Jack Sparrow (new to me, anyway), who I’m going to call Chubby Jack. He’s not really chunky, per se, but his face looks like Johnny Depp with baby fat. I’m sure the chicks love it. Oh, there was also a Johnny Depp impersonator just wandering around today that we talked to. Pretty neat. Anyway, I still had my phone out when the guys tried to make special guy, who I’m going call Willard, propose to me. He apparently does this at random intervals to women, and he’ll get down on one knee and babble very seriously and earnestly. I only got half a proposal, but he did kiss my hand before doing his signature Joker cackle. Bat A took my phone from me and I asked him to get a picture, but instead he handed the phone to Willard and Willard had a very serious conversation with a pretend someone about something. He consulted his watch and everything. At least he handed the phone back when he was done with his make believe conversation.

As for the gossip: So Bat A and the Joker live together along with one other character, I forget who. I found this out last Friday, and while Bat A just moved, things have already gone sour, it seems. There was a fight about something, I don’t know what, and I’m pretty sure Bat A said he threw the ironing board at Joker. The next morning he said Joker tried to apologize for his actions by saying he was drunk and on tranquilizers, but Bat A said he was too and didn’t become violent when that happened. So while I guess they’re going to continue being awkward flatmates, they’re not going to work together anymore on the boulevard. Which is really too bad because they’re my favourite Joker and Batman and I liked working with both of them together. Well, who knows what will happen between now and Friday.

P.S. As I was leaving, Wonder Wig appeared in her catsuit. Damn.