Sidewalk Superheroes

And now we’re caught up. Today was my first day of work since Sunday, when Davy snapped and got all obsessed. Now Catwoman is back east for the holidays, and I work alone. :/ Well, there are other people around, but trust me, you feel a lot safer when you have one person always watching your back.

Today was also the first time I tried out my new Batgirl costume. It came in the mail Tuesday, and it took me two days of sewing to make it wearable. Here’s the mask, before I made it better:

Just so you know, the “officially licensed” Gotham Girls Batgirl costume blows monkey balls. I swear that Quasimodo was the form for that outfit, it’s so bizarrely designed. Well, more on that later. I still have some kinks to work out and some details to fix, but I was anxious to try it out. As I was pulling into the underground parking I noticed a fleet of fire trucks and ambulances out front, and hoped that no one had been jumped. That’s been a problem, with drunken asshats ganging up on guy characters and taking advantage of the ones with limited eye sight. Especially Bat A, for some reason. By the time I got out to the Walk, though, the party had broken up, and no one knew what had happened. Funny how twenty people standing on a sidewalk can’t see what’s right in front of them. Maybe they were all on break.

Anyway, after saying hello to Edward Scissorhands, the first people I see are Catwoman and Denim Jack. But wait, Catwoman is back east. What the hell? This is Wonder Wig in a new costume, and a bad rip off at that. She’s swiped Catwoman’s costume, but tarted it up with a low cut vinyl tank corset, a plastic cape, and a cat o’ nine tails whip that had already broken before I even arrived. She sauntered up, dragging Denim, with a “Go on, say something,” look on her face.
“I wanted something warmer,” she said. I looked at the roll of money conspicuously displayed between her pushed-up boobs and the large goosebumps on all her exposed flesh and said, “How’s that going for you?”
“I’m still cold,” she laughed. I was flabbergasted. You’re not even gone for a week and some tart’s already taken over your life! I mean, it’s bad enough to rip off wholesale Catwoman’s specific look (there’s a few Catwomen out there, so she could have gone different while still being recognizable — I still plan on doing Julie Newmar’s version for fun ’cause I love her), but to take her favourite pirate too? That’s just sleazy.

I texted Catwoman right away, and she was sorely disappointed. I guess I can’t say we were terribly surprised, since Wonder Wig had been eyeing our costumes (and success) since she got there, but I’d just hoped that she’d have more decency than that. Also, I’d flat out told her she was welcome to do Padmé if she wanted, as I’d be switching to Batgirl, so I don’t know why she didn’t. I don’t know, maybe it was a “you had to be there” sort of moment, but she was completely stealing someone else’s costume, friends, moves, and life, and all I could do was stand there and watch. What could I have said? More importantly, what could I have done? The rules are stacked against us in this instance. I snapped a phone picture to send off to Catwoman:

Not that it’s any consolation when she’s 2,000 miles away, but my Catwoman’s the better one. I felt so awful, having to tell my friend how this usurper was boldly and outrightly snatching up what she had worked to build for herself, and no one could really do anything. Bat A was out, as was the Joker (he’s the good one, so he can just be the Joker. The other one I’ll call the Junker, when he comes up), and I tried to follow them to work with, but Wonder Wig tagged along too and Bat A just kept walking. I was afraid he was angry with me, though over what I don’t know why, or Sexy Cop had told him to stay away from me and he was obeying. The cold won out with Wonder, though, and she fled to the Metro grating to keep warm. She also clung to Denim, wrapping herself in his coat as she’d seen us do a week ago and snatching the coffee from his hands to take a drink. Again, she was just being too pushy and demanding, taking a mile when given an inch.

Feeling guilty about leaving him to her, but needing to work, I found the Joker and we settled in. We wandered over to Vader and Storm Trooper to say hi, and they had been snowed in earlier in the week! Such bizarre weather. Storm Trooper mentioned that they had offered to have Wonder Wig do Leia with them, but she had started making crazy demands of them, and then they’d been snowed in with six feet of snow, so it had fallen through. I’d told Wonder to talk with them about doing Leia before, and that’s how she thanks them? Maybe I was just raised with manners, but I waited for them to ask me to work with them, since they’re well established and high quality, and I’m grateful for every chance. All she can do is tell them when it’s convenient for her to work? Rudeness.

We chased Bat A around for a little bit, until he ran home to put on more layers, and the Joker said A had been in a foul mood all day. So it wasn’t just me. I pointed out Wonder Wig to him, and how baldly and badly she was ripping off my friend, and he shrugged it off, saying, “She’s crap, your friend’s way better.” When Bat A returned, in a much better mood, I brought up the conversation again to get his view. He shrugged it off as well, but I felt they weren’t getting how deep this craziness was. She wasn’t content just taking a specific costume, she had to take the friends, the flirting style, the everything that goes with Catwoman and makes her unique. Pointed out that way, they got it. But, like me, there was nothing they could really say or do to make her stop. The only thing we could really do is something we’d been doing all day anyway: not work with her.

Once we got talking about that, and Bat A was more his real self and less of the antisocial Bat, I felt comfortable bringing up another problem: Davy. They’re all friends, and up until fairly recently Bat A was roommates with Davy and MJ, so he would know how I should handle that. I told them how he was making me uncomfortable and coming on really strong, and they both said, “Just tell him you’re not interested.” I had to spell out the multiple daily texts, the living on my MySpace page, posting every picture he had of me on his profile, and oh, the fact that he texted to ask me on a date (to see Yes Man at the Chinese Theatre — in costume?) shortly before I’d headed out. With a little more detail Joker could see why that would intimidate me, but Bat A still wasn’t getting it.
“I just got out of a four year relationship –” I started.
“I know, we’ve all heard that story before,” Bat A interjected.
“I know, but I’m just saying I’m not used to this attention,” I explained. Maybe it’s something about L.A. guys, but since September, when the relationship officially ended, I’ve had to put off four guys. That’s a lot for me, and it’s very awkward. I don’t like hurting people’s feelings and I want to be nice to everyone, but the wrong guys always mistake niceness for “I want you”-ness, and then crap like this happens and I have to explain that sometimes being nice is just being nice. It ain’t right. Anyway, A launches on this long, convoluted story about how when he was a teenager no one was interested in him —
“No, I’m serious,” he said when I glanced away.
“Okay, I believe you!” though I can’t imagine him not being good looking — and how, when girls started to pay attention to him, he went crazy. Then it morphed into a story about how hard it is to not want to get involved with the cute girls on the boulevard, and then it just sort of died mid-narrative. Then Joker and I went to get hot chocolate.

It was actually very hard to have this conversation, because Davy followed me around like a lost puppy. I pointed it out to the Joker, and while he at first argued that he’s friends with both Bat A and T, who were both there, even he noticed after a while the giant King Kong shaped shadow. (Did I mention Davy also did Kong when his Sparrow of choice wasn’t around?) It was really frustrating, and I hate being followed, so after a while I just ignored him. It’s very hard to ignore a seven foot tall gorilla, even on Hollywood Boulevard. At one point he said this:
“Hey B.A., anytime you want to come in to work super early or stay late, you’re welcome to crash on our couch.” I nodded, politely not adding, “So I can get raped?” Because I was thinking it. After the way he and his roommate MJ acted last Sunday, there’s no way I’m ever going to their flat. Davy heard somehow that I’m bringing everyone cookies on Christmas Eve, because I hate knowing that most of them will be working Christmas day, and suddenly he’s insisted that Christmas Eve we all have a potluck at his place. Damnit! I can’t do anything without it being perverted, it seems. Maybe I’m just cranky because it was a crap day and I only about broke even today financially, and Wonder Wig had to go and start shit and Davy can’t think with his brain, but today really sucked.

When I got home I wrote the basics of this out to Catwoman. Here’s the best part:

“I told [Bat A] and [Joker] about [Davy] — when [Davy] wasn’t hovering around us! He was in the monkey suit, so at least I could always see him coming, but still, it’s beyond annoying. They both said to just tell him no in no uncertain terms, but I can’t have that talk on a crowded sidewalk when he’s wearing a damn ape outfit.”

*snort*. stop here… this is all just really funny. i love my life right now.

Oh yeah, Fall Out Boy was using some characters for a music video shoot. Here’s the pictures:

So there’s Davy as the ape, and the Old Marilyn Monroe. Vader and Storm Trooper like to call her Stretch Face, because she would only look decent if you stretched her face far back, but she looks like Jerri Blank to me. No one on the boulevard has seen Strangers With Candy, apparently, so I alone laugh at this joke. Come, laugh with me:

A full length of Wonder Wig, aka Crapwoman, sniped from afar. I knew it would pay off to get a Canon with a good digital zoom!

Fall Out Boy also wanted to make Superman into a snowman, but with mashed potatoes instead of snow. WTF, I know. The crap thing is that they only paid him $3 for all that! Fall Out Boy is cheap, pass it on. Jimmy Kimmel pays better than that.

I’m off to take a shower and go to bed. I may need to fall into a coma to cope with tomorrow, if it’s anything like today.