Sidewalk Superheroes

It’s still slooooooow going on the boulevard, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. We went to the Joker’s birthday party last night, and while I only had one weak mojito, I hate rum and I’m still burping it up. It’s disgusting. I blame it for my mind being stupid today, even though I did have quite a lot of Jack Daniel’s last night. At least seven shots? Quite a lot. And rum cake. Anyway, you already know that after I drink I’m stupid for a day, and my memory’s not so great, so I’ll try to remember any good bits that may have happened.

I don’t think I worked Friday. Did I? My dad had surgery for his cancer on Wednesday so I spent a couple of days hanging out with him, which sort of threw me off time-wise. We spent a lot of time watching movies on cable and talked about going to China, I remember that. Oh wait, we did work Friday. Today’s Sunday. Sorry. To make up for the swiss cheese memory, here’s the best picture ever:

l-r: Super Princess, Bat M2, Superman, Wonder Wig, Anakin, Wonder Cat, moi (Batgirl)

Okay, now I know where I am. So Friday we decided to work, because the weather had picked up nicely and we desperately needed money. Between being sick and the rain, I’ve made practically no money this month, which doesn’t do well. I have bills to pay, and I like to eat. Actually, I need to eat. So we go out as Batgirl and Wonder Woman, but Superman decides he’s not going to work. We’d been doing quite well with him, since people like him, a lot recognize him from Confessions of a Superhero, and he’s really good at getting tips out of stiffers. Deciding to try our luck anyway, we head out in the early afternoon.

Flat dead. It was so dead that most of the characters left with us after two hours. Vader and Storm Trooper came out shortly after us, and now we always stop to say hi, give hugs and catch up, which is really nice. I like them. Oh! I’d finally gotten my first set of business cards, just some basic ones with this picture, my name and a throw away email account:

I like transforming pictures into pop art. Anyway, Vader was talking about his real job, a flooring company he runs. I mentioned that I’ve put in my own hardwood floorings before, and learned some more tricks from working with Habitat For Humanity, and he said that if he needed extra help, he’d try me out. Hey, any work’s good work right now, and I don’t mind learning house work because I know I’ll need it when I do finally get around to owning my own place. Anyway, so I manage to hand out all 6 of the cards I’d packed in the utility belt that day, and while we ended up only making $3 each (horrible!), we at least did some networking, caught up with people, and wasn’t totally bored. Jerri Blank Marilyn was particularly chatty that day, and she’s apparently mad at Superman because he’s taken to sabotaging her career because she’s no longer shagging him. This is all according to her, I have no idea what’s really going on. But I just thought I’d throw that out.

This was the only thing that somewhat salvaged Friday:

She started off with her back to us, chatting up Homeless Jack, but even from the backside, we all knew this was something special. I snapped off a couple of pictures but Bat M kept getting in the way — that really is a talent with him — so I moved off and caught the above picture just as she turned away. Be sure to view it full-sized and look carefully at her eyes. She saw me snap the shot and came up to me, and I really hoped she wouldn’t be mad or want a tip, ’cause then I wouldn’t even have enough for parking.
“I like this,” I said quickly. My voice was really high-pitched, like it is when I’m put on the spot and am trying to bullshit my way out of something. “It looks good.”
“Thanks, honey. You’re hot! I love this,” she said, gesturing to my catsuit. I’d taken in the arms and legs, finally, and it’s now skintight everywhere. “This was actually my Halloween costume.” We talked a little bit about that, and then she said again, “You look really hot in that. Almost as hot as me!” And walked off.

I have to say, that was probably the burn of my life, and I’ve had plenty of insults thrown my way.

So, like I said, we quit after a meager two hours and went home. It was dismal. Yesterday was a bit better, thankfully. Superman came out and we worked with him, which I’m sure helped us. As soon as we’d met up, though, Old Boyfriend came up. Not only is he too old for me (I’ll go for 40 year olds, but not much older than that), and doesn’t take care of himself (I like ’em thin, too), but he’s shorter than me! It may have just been the small heel on my boots, but I can’t stand shorter men. I’m not terribly tall at 5’7″, so it’s not an unreasonable demand. Eh, just little niggling things like that. Also, he strikes me as a great big pervert. Anyway, he comes up and says hello, and Superman and Wonder Cat stand there awkwardly. They don’t want to leave me alone with Old Boyfriend, but they don’t really want to just stare at the conversation, whatever happens. I coldly say hello.
“I’ve been calling ya,” he said, staring.
“I know. And I’ve been sick, like I told you,” I said. Most of the regulars said throughout the day that they’d missed seeing us, but hardly anyone comes out weekdays now, and it had rained for about a week straight. Why were they all so surprised we didn’t show up?
“Yeah, so, uh . . .” He wasn’t talking very loudly but I didn’t hear a lot, and honestly, I wasn’t really listening to him. I’m either intensely passive-aggressive or the queen of subtlety, but for the most part I hate confrontation and fights, so I’ll just shut down and close people out to show that I don’t want them around. Unless they start shooting their mouth off, in which case you get me unleashed. I’ve never lost a verbal fight, remember that. Anyway, I think he said something about how I’d been avoiding him, or that I’d been gone a long time, maybe he’d been abducted by aliens, I really didn’t care. I just wanted him gone. Finally he said something like, “Have you been avoiding me?”
“I just think you’ve been incredibly inconsiderate and selfish,” I finally say. He looked startled. “I told you I was very sick and yet you insisted on pushing and trying to get what you wanted, and I don’t appreciate that.”
“I care. You think I don’t care? I care. You better now?” I had just coughed, warranting the last question.
“For the most part. But no, I didn’t get the feeling at all that you cared at all for me as a person. You’re just trying to get what you want.”
“No, you remember when I went to pick you up and you were sick? I went to get you some aspirin, and when I turned around, you were down the block.” Ah, so he had noticed.
“I told you I didn’t want the aspirin,” I said coldly. I hadn’t wanted it. “I don’t even take aspirin.” I don’t. For whatever strange reason, I don’t trust it, so I only take Tylenol. Anyway, “I wanted to go home, so I left to go home. I was sick and tired of working, and I took a lot of time off to get over it.” Why do I always feel the need to explain myself to people that don’t really care or deserve it?
“Oh. Well,” he said. I think some other things were said, but at that point I was probably singing a Graham Coxon song in my head or doing something just as constructive. There was some awkward standing around, and then he finally said, “I’ll see you around,” and moved off.
“You should have told him you had a boyfriend!” Superman said. His answer to everything. We moved up the block to try the Chinese Theatre, and Old Boyfriend hasn’t said or done anything since. About ten minutes later I did see him chatting up Super Princess, and I nearly warned her about him, but she’s actually got a boyfriend and Anakin’s really good at sticking close to her and watching out for her, so she’s definitely safe. If OB hasn’t been shot down already, he will be soon. My dad even texted a bit later, asking if OB had been around. I told him we’d already talked and I didn’t think I’d be hearing from him anymore, which may have disappointed dad. I think he was looking for a fight. 🙂

Work was slow going, with lots of sniping and no real legitimate business. It was supremely frustrating because it was a perfect day out and there were loads and loads of people around, but no one wanted to stop for pictures. Every character was suffering, so it wasn’t just us. Before we went to lunch, though, yet another energy drink giveaway started right in front of us, so we got in on it. Superman helped hand out samples, and we each took one and the folks working the stand snapped a picture of the three of us posing with the drinks. I gave the girl who snapped us my card and hopefully she or someone else will remember to send a copy to me. I already know it’s a great picture, really hilarious.

The bottles inside the box were fairly small, nearly vials, and Superman, Wonder Cat and I each swigged one. I don’t know what I was thinking, since I don’t do energy drinks, but it was caffeine free and natural and full of vitamins, and I certainly hadn’t taken my vitamins yesterday. I also tend to get heart palpitations when I drink an energy drink, though my only real experience with them was the time a group of friends and I made Kool-Aid with six cans of Red Bull, a pound of sugar and chased it with a bottle of sparkling cider each. It was the worst of all my near death experiences. Anyway, after about five minutes Mr. Elvis started complaining that he felt nothing, and drank three more. I took an extra bottle and stuck it in the back of my belt, though I couldn’t tell you why.

It was slow going, and we were all getting hungry, so we decided to break for lunch. Wonder Cat and I were still dead broke and didn’t want to spend anything on food, so while Superman went to a regular haunt of his, we decided to try our luck up the boulevard and see if we could stumble across some cheap, not too disgusting eatery. This is what we found:

By the time we got to the end of the block the fire department was packing it up, but apparently some guy had been on the roof of a theatre (there’s so many on that street) and they’d had to get him down. When we walked across the small street, three cop cars were there and they had the guy in handcuffs. Huh.

We ended up settling on pizza after seeing some guys cross the street with monster slices, and $2.50 for a piece of cheese pizza was enough for me.

We met back up with Superman and business picked up right away, which got our spirits back up. It didn’t last, sadly, but at least it was something. When Wonder Cat and I went to the bathrooms we ran into a lot of kids who were really jazzed to see us and we took some free pics with them (’cause we can’t conduct business in the mall or on private property), and it carried on for a while.

Then it got a little dull again, and we hung out between Vader and Storm Trooper on one side and Anakin as the Joker, Super Princess, Bat M2, and Wolverine on the other. I actually hadn’t recognized Anakin right away.
“God, he looks so familiar!” I said to Wonder Cat as we walked past him. “I know I’ve seen him before.”
“I decided to mix it up,” he said a moment later, coming over to shake my hand. I felt like an idiot, but I guess that means the costume worked, and he seemed pleased.
“It’s my scars, isn’t it?” he grinned. They were good prosthetics.

Shortly afterwards Superman noticed that we had pretty much the complete DC Comics universe lined up, and we decided to whip out our cameras and document it.

Some other people seemed pleased by this and did some big group shots too, but after 4 o’clock it started to die down and Wonder Cat was getting cold. There was a roach coach across the street in front of Hooter’s that advertised root beer floats, though, and we wanted to investigate. So even though we were already getting a bit cold, especially with the sun going down and the sudden cold that comes with it, we got ice cream. On the way back across the street some people from a Scientology theatre down the street (creepy) started chatting Superman up about doing some stuff for them, and of course he agreed.
“And a free brainwashing after every show!” I muttered to Wonder Cat. Maybe they heard me. Either way, they weren’t interested in us.

We left a little after that, though saying goodbye and actually extricating oneself from conversations can take up to half an hour. Then, after getting into the car, Wonder Cat realized we had forgotten to validate the parking stub, so we had to go back up. More conversation. More goodbyes. More talk of Joker’s party. Finally, we left and went back to her place, where I finally saw the end of Confessions and we just wasted time until the party started. My favourite part of the night was when, in the car on the way over, she, Photographer Friend and I each vowed to have only one drink. We did limit Wonder Cat a lot because she was the driver, but PF kept wanting shots, so I’d pour doubles, and then he’d make me drink half of it. So we got good and plastered, and stopped at Denny’s at 2 AM to sober up. It didn’t really work, and it wasn’t until we ran around her park trying the public bathrooms and he peed on a generator that we did sober up. Well, start to.

PF: You’re drunk.
me: I am! Thank you for noticing.