Hello all. I really am a character on Hollywood Boulevard, so let’s just get that doubt out of the way up front. Having started Thanksgiving weekend I’m still fairly new to all of this, though nearly all of the other characters were instantly welcoming and went out of their way to explain the rules and their personal tips and tricks, for which I’ll be forever grateful.
When my partner and crime and I decided to start doing this, we had no idea of what to expect, so I obviously wasn’t planning on turning this into a writing project. But the best writings are real things that beg to be written, and I just have to write about our experiences with this “job.” There’s more drama than a TV high school and just about as many actors, but there are also so many misconceptions that I hope will be cleared up by this. Most people see adults in costume on any day other than Halloween and mutter, “Mutant,” but for some people it’s a fun way to earn some extra cash and put their creativity and attention to detail to good use. While there are some crazy semi-homeless (and just downright homeless) people out there that will just throw on a mask and panhandle, I guarantee you that 90% of the people I’m around every day are better than that and have higher standards to boot. They hate the beggars just as much as you do, but the downside of being a freelance character on public property is that we have no control over who shows up and what they do. The best we can do is nicely ask them to sod off, ignore them, and keep the tourists away from them.
How does this work? Well, we show up whenever we want and leave whenever we want, and hopefully make some money between that. Once and for all, we are not employed by the city, Mann’s Chinese Theatre, Kodak Theatre, or anyone else. We must stay on the stars up to the curb, what is considered public property, so if you see us coming out of the bathrooms at the H&H shopping center and ask for a photo, sorry, but we can’t. We could be fined up to $1200, and really, who wants to pay that? We are not allowed to demand money, either. What we can do is tell everyone up front that we operate on tips. Masked characters often have a bill in their hand to point out, in case you can’t hear them. If you’re a kind person, you come up and ask for a picture, as opposed to standing 20 feet away and sniping, and we say, “We work on tips, is that okay?” This is also how you tell the aggressive beggars from the better characters. The good ones will always tell you up front, so there’s no nasty surprises. The beggars will pull you in by handing you a prop and telling you to take a picture, and only after the picture is taken does the hand come out. If you don’t tip them right away, they will follow you, harassing you for a tip. This is illegal, and they can be arrested for it.
Why should you pay for a picture or pictures? Because the good characters put a lot of time and effort into our costumes. That really awesome Darth Vader and Storm Trooper over there? Custom costumes costing hundreds of dollars, if not a thousand. We may be fan boys and girls who geek out over details and pay through the nose for authenticity, but it makes for an amazing look, right? We’re not lazy or half-assed, and a lot of us do other jobs to pay rent. This is fun to us, and gives us a chance to put our hobbies and interests to good use. You appreciate the hard work and time that goes into it by wanting to photograph it, and all we ask is a dollar or so. We’ll play with your kids and brighten their day, let you hold our really cool lightsabers or pistols and you can take as many pictures as you want, just do something for us in return. We’re not standing on a street corner all day for our health, or because we’re all rich eccentrics. Maybe you still don’t think you should pay after that explanation, but if you don’t think you should, then please don’t take so many damn pictures and demand we pose for you, then post them all over the Internet and Flickr calling us losers. We may not think the same way, but that doesn’t make you any better than me or any one of us out there. If you need to knock others down to feel good about yourself, then the problem lies with you, not any of us.
So there’s the basics. Now that that’s all out of the way the story can begin, and as the Mad Hatter once said, “Start at the beginning, and when you reach the end, stop.”
