Sidewalk Superheroes

You know, I was all set to launch a long diatribe on how hard times are, how living hand to mouth sucks so hard and how honest people who want to work can’t, but then I saw this and decided to leave it at that:

seriously

That perfectly sums up yesterday.

It was a Friday afternoon, and it had been sunny all day, though some threatening clouds were blowing in from the east:

there's gonna be a storm

Last Friday had been pretty good, so we had high hopes for yesterday. I mean, the weather was warming up, we were just coming out of a good, drenching rain, and people are going to be on Spring Break pretty soon. It would be good, right?

Eh, no. In the two hours we stuck around, we were only asked for three pictures. I stress “asked” because there were snipers galore, of course. The boulevard was crowded and everyone was armed with cameras, but everyone just wanted to stand there and snap away and expected us to just sit there like pieces of paper. One of us would say, “Please ask for a picture,” or “We pose for tips,” only to get laughed at. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was the punchline to a joke I don’t know. I was starting to get so mad I actually wanted to hit someone. After one woman laughed at Catwoman for saying “We do pose for tips, you know,” the lady snapped her picture of us turning away, shooting dirty looks (yeah, great picture! Be sure to get it framed, you daft bint) and I yelled as she walked away, “I’m not a cardboard cut-out!” Then I muttered about being objectified and tried not to do something that would get me arrested, because the cops were out.

What’s worse, we had to stand around and watch all the beggars get business. Wonder Wig, now letting her hair down under her cat mask (even though no modern Catwoman wears her hair down, only the 60s Catwoman that no one but me seems to like) with her same hobbled together costume, was doing great.
“Maybe we shouldn’t try so hard,” Catwoman mused.
“Shit, maybe,” I said. “Apparently quality costumes and staying in character translates to ‘I don’t need money!'”
“Seriously.”
“Maybe I’ll just start coming out with store bought costumes and talk to myself. Look homeless and pathetic, then I’ll do good.”
No one was interested in us. Skintight PVC costumes, pretty faces, nice hair, and yet you go for the 40somethings in six year old outfits who look like they sleep in their costumes (like Homeless Jack). I really don’t get you people.

Super Guy was out when we appeared and said that Superman had been out earlier harassing him. Bat M was hovering about, out of costume, and I don’t know for sure, but I think he’s also trying to start shit. He’s old friends with Superman (they love smoking around all of Superman’s collectibles), but would egg Super Guy on to say something against Superman. The most he would say, though, is that he’s standing his ground and if Superman tries to get violent or gets someone else to do the dirty work, he’s going to fight back.
Some guy also came up to us when we were talking and dodging snipers and mentioned the rapper-character violence that had been on the news.
“Oh, that’s all Bat A’s fault,” Bat M said yet again.
“Swear to god, I’m going to hit you,” I said, and turned away. I already have enough enemies out there because I stumbled into something I knew nothing about (Davy, Sexy Cop, and all their friends), so I’d rather not make any more, but damn. I’m suddenly very tired of all this.

So yeah, crap all around. I’m still looking for a “real” job, but if you pay attention to the world around you, then you know it’s pretty much pissing up a rope at this point. But all I can do is try.

I also keep forgetting two pieces of news I got from a drunk Denim on our night out, so here they are:

1. The ringleader rapper and one other rapper went to jail for two days! They were already out again by the time we got the news, and now I’m afraid they’re madder than ever. Yesterday there was a whole slew of new rappers slinging their shit, and these guys are a lot more vocal. I predict a lot more problems, honestly. One guy wasn’t so bad, he just demanded I smile every time I walked past him, but another guy kept asking for Catwoman’s number and seemed really pushy, to the point that he’d start something at any moment. I’m kind of glad Bat A’s still away, because I know these new guys would give him problems and he’d ask the guys to leave the ladies alone. He doesn’t need more problems right now.
2. Elmo and Big Bird got served by Disney! Apparently they were served with papers a little while ago and can’t do their characters for at least a month, if Denim’s info is correct. I think Big Bird is out as Snoopy right now. But anyway, I guess Disney is doing something with Sesame Street, or is going to, and they didn’t want any SS characters out there during that time. I don’t know the details, I’m just sharing what I know.

And, for good measure, a video I made on the way home:

Funny, I just uploaded that video, and when I went to get the embed code, this video showed up on the sidebar:

It was made a year ago, way before us, but all the old familiar faces are there.

Last video, I swear: How Superheroes Spend Their Day Off

It’s still slooooooow going on the boulevard, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. We went to the Joker’s birthday party last night, and while I only had one weak mojito, I hate rum and I’m still burping it up. It’s disgusting. I blame it for my mind being stupid today, even though I did have quite a lot of Jack Daniel’s last night. At least seven shots? Quite a lot. And rum cake. Anyway, you already know that after I drink I’m stupid for a day, and my memory’s not so great, so I’ll try to remember any good bits that may have happened.

I don’t think I worked Friday. Did I? My dad had surgery for his cancer on Wednesday so I spent a couple of days hanging out with him, which sort of threw me off time-wise. We spent a lot of time watching movies on cable and talked about going to China, I remember that. Oh wait, we did work Friday. Today’s Sunday. Sorry. To make up for the swiss cheese memory, here’s the best picture ever:

the DC universe

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I may have waited a bit too long to catch up; now I can’t remember what happened which day. Not that very much happened, really, but if you’re a stickler for detail, I’m afraid you’re out of luck today. It really is getting quite dull out on the boulevard. Maybe it’s because we’re only there during daylight, around lunchtime, or maybe it’s because we’re still adjusting to the loss of Denim and Bat A, but we’ve actually been begging for something, anything to happen. Well, at least there’s pictures.

who died?

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He’s so cute, a Triscuit! Apples on the table, peaches on the floor, step back, baby, I don’t love you any more! Weird what playground games will stick in your head. Anyway, I don’t really have a boyfriend, though I do have a new crazy admirer to replace Homeless Boyfriend, wherever he may have gone. I think he didn’t like Padmé as much, so he stopped kissing the ground when I walked by. That, or he was finally committed. Anyway . . . I don’t know if I mentioned this before, and I’m too lazy to go digging back through the old posts to see, but there’s a new Michael Jackson on the boulevard!

I'm white!

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It was the Sunday after Thanksgiving, our second day on Hollywood Boulevard and the day of the Hollywood Christmas Parade, which would step off at the corner of Hollywood and Highland. We showed up a bit earlier, since the characters we had met the day before said that mornings are usually the best time for making money, and wandered around a bit. Still dressed as Holly and Eliza, we earned a lot of admiring looks and loads of people sniping pictures when we weren’t looking, but still no one seemed to want to really photograph with us. We were cool, but we weren’t that cool. Still, business was improving from the day before, and there was still a lot to look at and absorb.

We spent a lot of the day just walking up and down the block, from Highland to Orange and back again, trying to grab the attention (and hopefully business) of all of the tourists and extra locals hovering about. There was supposed to be a big block of entertainment right in front of the Chinese Theatre from noon until the parade started, but it ended up being a load of crap Disney kids bands gyrating obscenely and trying to make it big. It was appalling, honestly, and the music was terrible. I saw a few teenage girls walking around with posterboard and glitter signs for one of the bands and considered asking them if they’d been paid to wave them. I just couldn’t believe anyone would take that god-awful drivel passing as music seriously. It also pulled out a lot of kids, and kids don’t know who Audrey Hepburn is. We did get a few moms who loved our costumes and forced their kids to take pictures with us, which wasn’t too bad.

But with crowds come the crazies. While the day before had been mild, even for a weekend, the draw of thousands of extra people with money and the news vans filming all over the place, the weirdos began to show. There was a relatively harmless older fellow who played guitar while whistling on the sidewalk, and while he was nice, he only seemed to know two songs. No one seemed to care for what he was playing, though, and avoided him. He started following us around, which further pushed business away from us. To make matters worse, Dollhouse Guy appeared. Apparently he is pretty well-known on the Boulevard, and he really is called Dollhouse Guy. I noticed the miles too big green jacket with that title painted on the back (in what looked like white poster paint) and wondered why. He and the guitarist got along and Dollhouse would make up bawdy lyrics to the two songs the guitarist knew. After we’d finally shaken them both, we turned around to find Dollhouse Guy, with a large dollhouse on his head, gyrating on the ground next to the stage set up for all those crap Disney kids. Oh, so that’s how he got his name. (more…)